Something on television has really been bothering me.

freecreditreport.com

They have the worst commercials that are based on the dumbest songs ever. They recently came out with a new one on bicycles where the "hook" of the jingle is literally "i'm singin' f to the r to the e to the e to the c to the r to the edit to the re to the port to the dot to the com come on every body drive your bike and sing along". And there's more. There's choreography on bikes and a shot of the band cheering the singer along from a presumably local garage while rocking out at just the right volume for his voice to carry over everything going on around him. Basically, I hate freecreditreport.com.

Movies, TV, and the like

THE DARK KNIGHT - purchased midnight showing ticket 2 weeks in advance. I was supposed to meet friends there, but their tickets were for a different theatre. I sat by strangers... it was still a good seat. The movie was fantastic. I always love a performance by Christian Bale and Heath Ledger reinvented himself to play his character which made the movie in my opinion. The only complaint I have is the whole actress swap from Katie Holmes to Maggie Gyllenhaal. It's just confusing... and I don't really like Maggie even though she's a better actress than Katie.

MAGNOLIA - easily my favorite movie of all time. There are not only multiple stories going on, but they are fascinating stories. Stories with deep, painful roots. The kind that submerge your thought process into those roots. Incredible acting.

IDIOCRACY - one of my favorite comedies of all time. Luke Wilson is really funny in this just because he's always getting screwed by dumbasses galore. It's a slap happy movie for sure... or just a slap-happy-inducing movie.

MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE - actually a pretty good tv show.

ENTOURAGE - I've only seen about 5 or 6 episodes, but I plan on renting the DVDs and watching it. It's not really funny or dramatic or anything. It's kind of everything... like a soap opera for early 20s dudes. It's entertaining.

COLBERT REPORT/DAILY SHOW - never fail.

LOSTWINDS - a Wii game which can be bought in the online store under the WiiWare section. It's just an all around cool game. You blow wind to move your character, kill enemies, and eventually make your character straight up fly. They're coming out with sequels, too. The sequels are going to continue the story with your character in the same condition he was in. So... you can still fly.


word.

Penny Arcade Video Game?!?!?

My favorite webcomic on the planet, Penny Arcade (www.penny-arcade.com), has just released an action-adventure-RPG! Turns out that Jerry wrote the script, so I'm looking forward to some incredibly amusing dialogue. The game is for Xbox 360, PC, Mac, and Linux. You can get it at http://www.playgreenhouse.com/. It's called "On The Rain-Slick Precipice Of Darkness: Episode One". I'm pumped. Episode 2 is also due out soon. Anyway.

"dude I can do that in my SLEEP!"

"meaning I can't do it when I'm awake. But I've dreamed about doing it HUNDREDS of times."

Things will be changing pretty soon...

I basically can't wait for my good friend, pal, and former BEST friend Anthony Domine to come and be my roommate here in Nashville. Ok so basically living with Jacob was a living nightmare. Living with Gabe is like living with a person that expects you to adapt to their mood. The problem is that this person only has two moods.

Mood #1: Rowdy. Obnoxious. Loud. Bro-friendly.

Mood #2: Serious. Slightly coldhearted. Possibly partially deaf.

Anyway... I'm just pointing out that the whole roommate situation down here hasn't turned out so AWESOME.

When Anthony gets down here I imagine he and I eating ice cream cones on our mopeds and abusing the horns on them. Playing electric guitars through the same amp with a drum machine in the background. Hiding candy bars in our beards and taking them out for a mid-day snack.

This just in: ESPN is amazing.

See...

it's so easy to get pissed about watching channels like MSNBC and CNN because all they talk about is random bullshit full of cockamamy. Mostly semantics about the election, private lives of those involved in the election, or private lives of anyone else in our government. Anyway, ESPN is hilarious because it's hard to get pissed about what they're talking about. It's just fun talk all day. All of the commercials are geared towards beer-drinkin'-wife-neglectin' DUDES. Doesn't matter if you're 16 or if you're 60... when you watch ESPN, you're a DUDE. I love it when you watch ESPN all day and every show is about the same stuff except different people say the same things different ways. It's so entertaining. The best part about it though is when they talk about golf. They seriously think that Tiger Woods' dominance is unquestionable. Like, I would love to agree, but he's just simply the best golfer ever. But he's also in a group of the best golfers in the world... so he's not completely dominant. He's lost plenty of tournaments... and DIDN'T win them. I dunno... just goofy. I love you, ESPN Only because you're gutter media that's really FUN.

Dudes vs. Super-dudes

So I was having dinner in the cafe at Belmont last week with my friend DJ and we both witnessed a wonderful scuffle between two different social groups. The first group was a table full of members of the baseball team, and the second group was a table full of the artsy-fartsy type that hates anyone who isn't an artist or a big fan of art or someone with an "alternative" sense of fashion.

(Note: the funniest part about an "alternative" sense of fashion is that all the people that dress a certain way hang out with each other. So that means that they all dress the same. Which no longer makes it an alternative.)

The baseball team dudes randomly crack up about what I'm assuming is an inside joke or at least what I know was an inaudible comment. Out of nowhere, one of the super-dudes at the arts-only table starts laughing and clapping with them and purposely makes himself the loudest of all and also continues the gesture beyond the team of baseball dudes. After he realizes that his insult was recognized, he sits down abruptly. Here come the counter-attacks. They can be summarize in the sentence "Jeez-took it way too far-shut up-you're an idiot, dude-you're gay". This is followed by a mini-celebration and slap of hands at the baseball table. After this, another one of the arts-only dudes (wearing a very short-cut V-neck t-shirt, rolled up jeans, and a pair of moccasins) brings a flower and hands it to one of the baseball players. I interpreted this as an "I'm so confident that I will do something ridiculous and pointless, look you in the eye, and walk away" type of "fuck-you". It's a creative type of "fuck-you" that only an artsy fartsy dude would come up with. The victim at the baseball table responds with "what the hell??", and soon gets some backup from his buddies. I must admit, when one of the baseball guys said "did you see that? he had cleavage!", I was very tickled. It was awesome. Because it was true, but also because only a meathead would think of that. DJ and I were cracking up this entire time. It was pretty great.

Oh, Hilary

Stop trying to act like you want to be President of the United States. We all know that you're going to turn all of the American men into slaves and take away our right to vote. Quit lying to the people!

seriously, world. Let's cancel the whole new years holiday.

I don't really understand why we need to close hospitals, grocery stores, Burger King, and the GI depot early just for the birth of our miraculous planet. Its just an excuse for all the singles out there to get wasted and try to have a regretful evening, or for high schoolers to not need an excuse to have a "party". (namely, the high schoolers whose main interest is getting sloppy drunk.)

If you watch Arrested Development...

You KNOW you want this t-shirt.

Christmas: a time of jolly cheer.

I've spent loads of time with all of my friends back in Columbus, OH. Brian Estabrook now feels at "home" at my house. In fact, we pretty much refer to my house as "home". We stay up incredibly late watching tv, sitting in the hottub, battling it out Wii-sports style, playing ping-pong, and swearing at each other. Owen Heisey has also been by quite a bit... mostly for the ridiculous evenings with Estabrook. Keep in mind, Owen is deceptively good at Wii tennis.. but nowhere near my level of expertise. My dominance at Wii sports is slightly played down by the fact that I sit down for every sport, and at first glance it would appear that I am completely uninterested in the task at hand. Estabrook really gets into it though... especially tennis. He's probably the worst Wii tennis player I've ever seen.

Steroids would make sports amazing.

Think about it. If we made it legal for all the pro athlete's to use steroids, it would be crazy. I'd like to think it would become a necessary component to competing in every sport professionally. We'd have Wrestlers almost killing the other instantly by getting the first "grab". It would be like a professional sports association of the Incredible Hulks. Maybe we could make them like a different league, if people are still interested in watered-down, clean athleticism. Thank you for your time.

Oikncroamip Nubtoewrs

So.. there is a theory about the truth behind the relation between Radiohead's In Rainbows and Ok Computer. I take a deeper look into the theory presented in this article.

And yes... copy and paste this into your address bar as previously instructed. See:"Ok..."

http://puddlegum.net/radiohead-01-and-10/

Ok...

so at one point I had to leave the room this video was playing in just so I could catch my breath from how hard I was laughing. Whoever made these videos did a really great job, and I can't get enough. There are a bunch of them on YouTube, but this one just sent me over the edge. No, not the U2 guitarist. So I guess it really just Slash-ed me with a sharp blade of laughter.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEwIRZ9pLCM

EDIT: For you idiots who don't know how to copy and paste. Copy that line right there. Yeah, that one above this paragraph. Yup, that's it. Now paste it in your address bar. There you go!

ATTENTION, Users of Gas Stations!

Gas is expensive.
Farts contain methane.
Don't fart at the pump.

Gettin a new iMac with Leopard. vroom.

Not disappointed by Disappointed by Candy

Yesterday I went to the CD release party of a local band called Disappointed by Candy. They're a trio that has powerful, fluid dance beats with great staccato, a melodic, thumping bass, and an extremely talented frontman. His name is Gabe. I know him a little bit.. seen him around the village.. used to be in a boardgame club together. Jeremy, the drummer, is a regular in the UPS Store so I also kind of know him. I've never met the bass player. Anyway, Gabe and Jeremy are also a part of a band called Jars of Clay. Gabe fills in on bass, and Jeremy on drums (not permanently). Anyway, Disappointed by Candy's music is most definitely preferred to their sister group. However, Jars of Clay surprisingly produced the group's debut album which I got a copy of after paying my cover at the door. Having heard the whole album I've noticed that every song is solid. Each has a great melody that keeps you interested enough to leave it on all day at work or never skip a track when you leave it in your car. For a first listen, it's definitely the best first-listen I've experienced from a dance-rock-pop group. The best part about their music is that the lyrics aren't retarded. In fact, they are quite the contrary.

So the new episode of The Office was amazing...

quite possibly one of my favorites to date. I loved Michael's decision to pretend he is Survivorman for a few days, take off work, leaving Jim in charge. Another memorable bit was when Jim was talking about how Michael celebrates birthdays by surprise every time. Of course, Michael makes a fool of himself in front of the camera the entire time in the wilderness while Dwight stalks his every move unbeknown to him. I also like how they brought a totally different aspect to the actors' styles by making Jim's decisions unpopular to the majority of the office. Then, at the end, Jim and Michael have almost a mentor-apprentice style conversation that alludes to Michael not being as big of an idiot as we all think.

Disappointing News

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/r_l_stine_reveals_slappy

SPRINGSTEEN

Bruce Springsteen's "Magic" is definitely one of my favorite albums of 2007. Another is the new Radiohead album, but there is way too much that I could say about that album and none of it would make any sense.

Springsteen dominates with his voice and his songwriting. Simple melodies that just work for a badass tune. I like all of the songs, but my favorites are "Your Own Worst Enemy", "Girls in Their Summer Clothes", and "I'll Work For Your Love". He has a very distinct rhythm for the way he writes his lyrics that is strictly debonair. Check it out.