In the year 2016, a moon rock will sell for $42,190 to an entrepreneur who was independently wealthy named Douglas McWhorter. At this time in world history, entrepreneurs and independently wealthy people (both terms always indicate the same people) will account for a vast majority of the economies of developed countries. The people of Earth will learn about the opportunity to buy Moon rocks by way of GlobeTube: a virtual device that is implanted in the left eye of every new born child.
From the moment that every human is born it experiences what is known in decades of the past as television or digital entertainment, but only in one eye, and the display is some sort of elaborate hologram with vivid colors and depth. GlobeTube is a self-operated device, and the only moment in which the subject has no control is when advertisements (streaming from the subject's home country's national network) superimpose themselves every two minutes and thirty seconds.
Liberty Lunar Mining (based out of Carslbad, California) was contracted by the United States (who convinced the U.N. to grant it absolute sovereignty of Lunar affairs) to mine rocks from the Moon. The rocks ranged anywhere from $12,000 to roughly $100,000 in price, making them affordable for the mass of independently wealthy, and, to be honest, excruciatingly bored, entrepreneurs who were delighted to stake their claim to a piece of the Earth's sattelite.
Come 2018, LLM had removed enough mass from the Moon to cause the Earth's gravity to pull it into the atmosphere and send it colliding into the Earth's crust. In short, the Moon now surmounts a large portion of the California coastline and the Liberty Lunar Mining operation literally extinguished itself. Most of the excruciatingly bored independently wealthy entrepreneurs survived the catastrophe.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Saturday, December 05, 2009
A Gloomy Birthday Celebration: a short story.
Earl Strickland was a damn good car salesman. From the early spring of 1991 to the late summer of 1992, he boasted the title of "salesman of the month" at the Ford dealership on East Jefferson Avenue in Detroit, Michigan.
This was all before he ate some soup, rice, steak, and vegetables prepared by an ex-tae kwon do instructor at a Hibachi restaurant in Columbus, Ohio in 2009. He was on vacation to be with his grandchildren, whom he spent most of his time ignoring so as to stay asleep as often as possible, and whoever else would suddenly be deemed part of his daughter's family. Earl was never fond of any man that she had ever been with, and probably never intended to be fond of any man that would ever be with her. It may be that he didn't like his daughter very much.
But it probably wasn't the sodium massacre of a meal that triggered Earl's demise in the japanese steakhouse.
Ramikera Zarigani is the man to blame. He was born in Kyoto, Japan. He fought in World War 2, became a prisoner of war, but decided to stay in America when he was released. During the war, he was the most faithless kamikaze pilot in the entire fleet. He didn't really want to die. And when he landed his plane on Luau Boulevard instead of crashing into a building, or a hospital, or someone's home, he had done the most noble deed that he would ever do, and felt amazed by his ability to show mercy. The least noble deed that he has ever done in his life was on November 27th, 2009 in Columbus, Ohio, and he has no idea that he did it.
Mr. Zarigani was 74 years old. He was in the Hibachi Japanese Steakhouse working as nothing other than a bumbling jester, expected to sing "Happy Birthday" to anyone who came in and announced that it was their birthday to the staff. The Gibson family arrived at about 6:30pm, 15 minutes before Earl Strickland and his unappreciated company sat down two tables next to them. The Gibson family had two birthday - celebrators with them (youngest daughter Amy Gibson and the family's friend, Tyler Joseph), which had Mr. Zarigani especially exhilarated.
He began the ceremonial "Happy Birthday" song, which he sang in English with a purposefully derogatory accent, by violently slapping a small round leather drum with a wooden stick. The first strike that Zarigani made with the wooden stick caused the heart attack that ended Earl's life like a mute button on a stereo system.
This was all before he ate some soup, rice, steak, and vegetables prepared by an ex-tae kwon do instructor at a Hibachi restaurant in Columbus, Ohio in 2009. He was on vacation to be with his grandchildren, whom he spent most of his time ignoring so as to stay asleep as often as possible, and whoever else would suddenly be deemed part of his daughter's family. Earl was never fond of any man that she had ever been with, and probably never intended to be fond of any man that would ever be with her. It may be that he didn't like his daughter very much.
But it probably wasn't the sodium massacre of a meal that triggered Earl's demise in the japanese steakhouse.
Ramikera Zarigani is the man to blame. He was born in Kyoto, Japan. He fought in World War 2, became a prisoner of war, but decided to stay in America when he was released. During the war, he was the most faithless kamikaze pilot in the entire fleet. He didn't really want to die. And when he landed his plane on Luau Boulevard instead of crashing into a building, or a hospital, or someone's home, he had done the most noble deed that he would ever do, and felt amazed by his ability to show mercy. The least noble deed that he has ever done in his life was on November 27th, 2009 in Columbus, Ohio, and he has no idea that he did it.
Mr. Zarigani was 74 years old. He was in the Hibachi Japanese Steakhouse working as nothing other than a bumbling jester, expected to sing "Happy Birthday" to anyone who came in and announced that it was their birthday to the staff. The Gibson family arrived at about 6:30pm, 15 minutes before Earl Strickland and his unappreciated company sat down two tables next to them. The Gibson family had two birthday - celebrators with them (youngest daughter Amy Gibson and the family's friend, Tyler Joseph), which had Mr. Zarigani especially exhilarated.
He began the ceremonial "Happy Birthday" song, which he sang in English with a purposefully derogatory accent, by violently slapping a small round leather drum with a wooden stick. The first strike that Zarigani made with the wooden stick caused the heart attack that ended Earl's life like a mute button on a stereo system.
Friday, November 06, 2009
Maybe I'm just a damn good blogger.
Since I am in college, naturally I am exploring my interests and talents in search of a career path. Recently I have become interested in Philosophy, Theology, and the like, so I have been doing a good amount of reading as well (Kierkegaard, Hegel, MLK, Thoreau, Gandhi, Emerson). After the reading that I have done, I have realized how poor my writing is in comparison to effective, contributory thinkers and writers of the past. So I have kind of gone on a journey to figure out how I could possibly write with vigor and ease simultaneously. At the heart of this journey, I realized, lies my natural ability to blog with vigor and ease. Is there any way to take advantage of this unprovoked urge? Maybe no other way than to indulge in it.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Dirty laundry: my nemesis.
I have now gone about a month without doing any laundry and I think it's finally starting to affect my overall well-being. It has decreased the number of showers I take, decreased the amount of quality food that I consume every day, decreased the number of people that want to acknowledge me in public, and significantly decreased my psychological comfort level.
Ok so maybe I'm not serious about the psychological discomfort, but I am getting agitated looking at the pile of dirty clothes in the corner of my room and it has affected my roommates and their personal wardrobes as well. I've been wearing either Anthony Domine underwear or none at all going on about two weeks. I just realized how awful this post is.
--
daniel
Ok so maybe I'm not serious about the psychological discomfort, but I am getting agitated looking at the pile of dirty clothes in the corner of my room and it has affected my roommates and their personal wardrobes as well. I've been wearing either Anthony Domine underwear or none at all going on about two weeks. I just realized how awful this post is.
--
daniel
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Good riddance, F-book.
Indeed.
I deactivated my account on the social networking site known as Facebook. For many of us on the internet, Facebook is a perennial companion. For many of us who are always on the internet because we have iPhones, Facebook can become like a maddening itch that must be scratched every 2 minutes. And we scratch it. With reluctance.
At least I was always reluctant about it. Hating that I knew more about people that I haven't seen in 3 years than my friends that I see every day, just because I had immediate access to it. I feel much more free to get on with my own life and stop worrying about what other people are doing and if I'll ever get to see them again.
Don't get me wrong, I definitely think it's good to stay in touch, but I don't think that always means that you should. So for those of you who read this blog and miss me on Facebook, you probably have my phone number or you can just email me: johndanielgibson@gmail.com
I think this also means I will be blogging more often rather than just changing my name on Facebook to "J. Walter Weatherman" or editing my Facebook profile for my own amusement. I have just uncovered an interesting truth about bloggers: regularly bored.
--
Danielmaniel
I deactivated my account on the social networking site known as Facebook. For many of us on the internet, Facebook is a perennial companion. For many of us who are always on the internet because we have iPhones, Facebook can become like a maddening itch that must be scratched every 2 minutes. And we scratch it. With reluctance.
At least I was always reluctant about it. Hating that I knew more about people that I haven't seen in 3 years than my friends that I see every day, just because I had immediate access to it. I feel much more free to get on with my own life and stop worrying about what other people are doing and if I'll ever get to see them again.
Don't get me wrong, I definitely think it's good to stay in touch, but I don't think that always means that you should. So for those of you who read this blog and miss me on Facebook, you probably have my phone number or you can just email me: johndanielgibson@gmail.com
I think this also means I will be blogging more often rather than just changing my name on Facebook to "J. Walter Weatherman" or editing my Facebook profile for my own amusement. I have just uncovered an interesting truth about bloggers: regularly bored.
--
Danielmaniel
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The Room has proved itself to be perpetually humorous.
Ok, so I think it's time that I let anyone who might possibly read this blog know that there is a movie you must purchase and watch at least 4 times. To instigate your interest in this film, you need to understand why it exists.
Tommy Wiseau.
This man is the most incredible person I've ever witnessed. To start with, it is unknown where he is from because he refuses to disclose this information. He speaks three languages including English, which he most certainly does not have a grasp on. Despite his deficient phonetic ability, he approaches thespian craft with a confusingly excessive passion. His efforts prove to be in vain when you watch "The Room". And by "efforts" I mean his endeavors with being not only the lead actor, but also the director, the writer, the producer, and even the executive producer. What's more amazing about this guy is that he has plans to make a sitcom called "The Neighbors", of which I have had the wonderful opportunity of discovering a video clip on YouTube (check it out for yourself). Also in his plans are a book about the difference between 35mm film and high-definition video (he used both formats in "The Room" and seems to think that he has revolutionized the idea of combining the formats somehow. (note: "The Room" looks like shit.)) and a Broadway adaptation of "The Room", which I find completely inconceivable.
What I'm trying to say is that this guy can provide you with some quality entertainment and amusement. Buy "The Room" on Amazon, make Tommy Wiseau richer, more encouraged, and hopefully a more accessible "talent" in our entertainment industry through his potential works to come and have no doubt that they would be masterpieces.
Tommy Wiseau.
This man is the most incredible person I've ever witnessed. To start with, it is unknown where he is from because he refuses to disclose this information. He speaks three languages including English, which he most certainly does not have a grasp on. Despite his deficient phonetic ability, he approaches thespian craft with a confusingly excessive passion. His efforts prove to be in vain when you watch "The Room". And by "efforts" I mean his endeavors with being not only the lead actor, but also the director, the writer, the producer, and even the executive producer. What's more amazing about this guy is that he has plans to make a sitcom called "The Neighbors", of which I have had the wonderful opportunity of discovering a video clip on YouTube (check it out for yourself). Also in his plans are a book about the difference between 35mm film and high-definition video (he used both formats in "The Room" and seems to think that he has revolutionized the idea of combining the formats somehow. (note: "The Room" looks like shit.)) and a Broadway adaptation of "The Room", which I find completely inconceivable.
What I'm trying to say is that this guy can provide you with some quality entertainment and amusement. Buy "The Room" on Amazon, make Tommy Wiseau richer, more encouraged, and hopefully a more accessible "talent" in our entertainment industry through his potential works to come and have no doubt that they would be masterpieces.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Suggestion for reading my 25 things.
They are most humorous when narrated out loud. Most importantly the really weird, cockamamy ones.
My 25 things. That have nothing to do with Owen Heisey's 25 things.
1. This is the first note I've ever posted. Is this new to Facebook?
2. I completed this note on Tuesday afternoon/early evening.
3. I have been in Nashville, Tennessee for the last 6 months studying Music Business at Belmont Univeristy. I studied Macroeconomics, Music Publishing, Recording Technology, and Business Law. It was.. great.
4. I am signing up for pan flute lessons this summer.
5. I have never and do not plan to bungee jump.
6. Owen Heisey is going to start a television show that will air all throughout Western Europe. The show will star Owen as himself playing a single teacher in a French private school who teaches English. It will be a crime/drama/mystery television series.
7. I remain a Music Business major at Belmont. A scary place to be.
8. I am currently eating one big scoop of ice cream AND drinking a beverage containing roughly 45-50g of sugar for my Diabetes Diet.
9. As a member of a local monastery, I fasted for 30 days and lost 20 pounds. I don't think it was very healthy for my body because it feels much weaker now.
10. When I was living in Italy, I formed a strong bond with a stray spider monkey that was owned by Antonio Mangipane, the local farmer who was notorious for his addiction to heroine. The monkey seemed to have some issues with depression because it never moved or made any noise. It was normally just slouching underneath a wooden bridge down the road from my ranch. Since he was in such a condition, I usually spent most of my time coddling his lazy, exhausted frame in my arms while he stared off into the horizon and would exhale deeply and audibly every 15-25 seconds.
11. There is nothing more liberating than playing "The Fascist" on the guitar.
12. The best book ever written was "I Am America (And So Can You)" by Stephen Colbert. This is mostly because it is in no way proving any point or making a literary breakthrough. And it's not trying to be all sweatervest-glasses-are-so-cool-library-going-book-a-week-reading-smug-ass-preachy-artsy-fartsy like J.D. Salinger.
13. I listened to Radiohead's "In Rainbows" way more than Owen did, and I will also be subject to way more nostalgia than he would be when I hear it again.
14. I would never join a debate team. I do all my thinking and speaking on my own, and I also think all the people on the debate team at Belmont are good students.
15. As an adult, I enjoy Sherlock Holmes short stories so much that I have been known to smoke from a pipe wearing a top hat on a wooden rocking chair on any given Sunday afternoon. Some of these afternoons escalate into me using a cane for the rest of the day, which once kept me from getting a job at a golf course.
16. In California, I lived next door to Joel Osteen. As a result, I was inspired to read the Bible.
17. I miss Ohio a little bit. I miss the people that are there. They should all follow me around for the rest of my life.
18. My goals this semester include passing all of my classes with at least a B, attending more of my classes, and making more friends!
19. I am currently reading Nickelodeon Magazine. It's retarded.
20. My favorite record right now is Fleet Foxes' self-titled debut album. Close behind is Bon Iver.
21. My favorite movie right now is The Dark Knight. I should watch that tonight. I haven't seen it since it came out in theatres. I love it.
22. Fortunately, I have not succumb to the vacuum of brain power that is reality tv. However, I recently got Netflix and have been watching "Dexter" pretty religiously. Brilliant.
23. Netflix provided me with the opportunity to consume even more media via the option to "Watch Instantly" from the website. I have watch the first and second seasons of 30 Rock, James and the Giant Peach, and Bob Marley Live. Haha.
24. Michael, my brother, inspired me when he went to Africa after Christmas. He's also a very muscular and large person, both features of which I envy.
25. My favorite thing to happen this year was the election of Barack Obama.
2. I completed this note on Tuesday afternoon/early evening.
3. I have been in Nashville, Tennessee for the last 6 months studying Music Business at Belmont Univeristy. I studied Macroeconomics, Music Publishing, Recording Technology, and Business Law. It was.. great.
4. I am signing up for pan flute lessons this summer.
5. I have never and do not plan to bungee jump.
6. Owen Heisey is going to start a television show that will air all throughout Western Europe. The show will star Owen as himself playing a single teacher in a French private school who teaches English. It will be a crime/drama/mystery television series.
7. I remain a Music Business major at Belmont. A scary place to be.
8. I am currently eating one big scoop of ice cream AND drinking a beverage containing roughly 45-50g of sugar for my Diabetes Diet.
9. As a member of a local monastery, I fasted for 30 days and lost 20 pounds. I don't think it was very healthy for my body because it feels much weaker now.
10. When I was living in Italy, I formed a strong bond with a stray spider monkey that was owned by Antonio Mangipane, the local farmer who was notorious for his addiction to heroine. The monkey seemed to have some issues with depression because it never moved or made any noise. It was normally just slouching underneath a wooden bridge down the road from my ranch. Since he was in such a condition, I usually spent most of my time coddling his lazy, exhausted frame in my arms while he stared off into the horizon and would exhale deeply and audibly every 15-25 seconds.
11. There is nothing more liberating than playing "The Fascist" on the guitar.
12. The best book ever written was "I Am America (And So Can You)" by Stephen Colbert. This is mostly because it is in no way proving any point or making a literary breakthrough. And it's not trying to be all sweatervest-glasses-are-so-cool-library-going-book-a-week-reading-smug-ass-preachy-artsy-fartsy like J.D. Salinger.
13. I listened to Radiohead's "In Rainbows" way more than Owen did, and I will also be subject to way more nostalgia than he would be when I hear it again.
14. I would never join a debate team. I do all my thinking and speaking on my own, and I also think all the people on the debate team at Belmont are good students.
15. As an adult, I enjoy Sherlock Holmes short stories so much that I have been known to smoke from a pipe wearing a top hat on a wooden rocking chair on any given Sunday afternoon. Some of these afternoons escalate into me using a cane for the rest of the day, which once kept me from getting a job at a golf course.
16. In California, I lived next door to Joel Osteen. As a result, I was inspired to read the Bible.
17. I miss Ohio a little bit. I miss the people that are there. They should all follow me around for the rest of my life.
18. My goals this semester include passing all of my classes with at least a B, attending more of my classes, and making more friends!
19. I am currently reading Nickelodeon Magazine. It's retarded.
20. My favorite record right now is Fleet Foxes' self-titled debut album. Close behind is Bon Iver.
21. My favorite movie right now is The Dark Knight. I should watch that tonight. I haven't seen it since it came out in theatres. I love it.
22. Fortunately, I have not succumb to the vacuum of brain power that is reality tv. However, I recently got Netflix and have been watching "Dexter" pretty religiously. Brilliant.
23. Netflix provided me with the opportunity to consume even more media via the option to "Watch Instantly" from the website. I have watch the first and second seasons of 30 Rock, James and the Giant Peach, and Bob Marley Live. Haha.
24. Michael, my brother, inspired me when he went to Africa after Christmas. He's also a very muscular and large person, both features of which I envy.
25. My favorite thing to happen this year was the election of Barack Obama.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Watch Rachel Maddow on MSNBC.
She is on a very liberal news network, but she is VERY fair in her interviews and also quite assertive in challenging the Obama administration on their current decisions. Let's just say she really breaks down the recent stimulus package bill and shows why she doesn't believe that it will work.. based on facts and evidence. Over the amount of time that I watched her show tonight, she disagreed with the actions of Obama, Republicans in the House, and Democrats in the House. Beyond all of this, she is a fantastic speaker. I would venture to say she's way better than any President we've ever had. She's great. Watch it.
--
Daniel
--
Daniel
Thursday, January 01, 2009
The New Year came 'round again... without celebration
Ok... so I DID go to a supposed "New Years Eve" Party, but I left at 11:45. I was not about to celebrate the passing of a year. I was already moving on to the next one. I got home, passed out, woke up, and was already 12 hours into 2009. My favorite restaurant, Kalamata's, was closed on New Year's Day.
-
Daniel
-
Daniel
Sunday, December 14, 2008
So we have a new President coming into office in January? And he's a black guy named Barack Obama? Aight.
It's really not that big of a deal. I can explain myself in many ways.
If you're a Christian, like myself, you take this as being God's will and God is still in control.
If you're a white person who thinks this is somehow an example of how foreigners are taking over our country, watch Gangs of New York and notice that the New Yorkers thought the Irish were invading the country during that time. Now we've widdled it down to white vs. color. Well, at least you have. Foreigners were invading our country as soon as immigration started. I've gotten over it, and apparently so have alot of other people. Or maybe they're all just "foreigners". (This could lead to my theory of how immigration doomed the United States and initiated its inevitably forseeable demise forthwith)
If you're anything else, I feel inclined to believe you voted for Barack Obama. At least the majority of you.
Disclaimer: Daniel Gibson is an Independent Voter who failed to submit an Absentee Ballot on time due to the United States Postal Service.
If you're a Christian, like myself, you take this as being God's will and God is still in control.
If you're a white person who thinks this is somehow an example of how foreigners are taking over our country, watch Gangs of New York and notice that the New Yorkers thought the Irish were invading the country during that time. Now we've widdled it down to white vs. color. Well, at least you have. Foreigners were invading our country as soon as immigration started. I've gotten over it, and apparently so have alot of other people. Or maybe they're all just "foreigners". (This could lead to my theory of how immigration doomed the United States and initiated its inevitably forseeable demise forthwith)
If you're anything else, I feel inclined to believe you voted for Barack Obama. At least the majority of you.
Disclaimer: Daniel Gibson is an Independent Voter who failed to submit an Absentee Ballot on time due to the United States Postal Service.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Something on television has really been bothering me.
freecreditreport.com
They have the worst commercials that are based on the dumbest songs ever. They recently came out with a new one on bicycles where the "hook" of the jingle is literally "i'm singin' f to the r to the e to the e to the c to the r to the edit to the re to the port to the dot to the com come on every body drive your bike and sing along". And there's more. There's choreography on bikes and a shot of the band cheering the singer along from a presumably local garage while rocking out at just the right volume for his voice to carry over everything going on around him. Basically, I hate freecreditreport.com.
They have the worst commercials that are based on the dumbest songs ever. They recently came out with a new one on bicycles where the "hook" of the jingle is literally "i'm singin' f to the r to the e to the e to the c to the r to the edit to the re to the port to the dot to the com come on every body drive your bike and sing along". And there's more. There's choreography on bikes and a shot of the band cheering the singer along from a presumably local garage while rocking out at just the right volume for his voice to carry over everything going on around him. Basically, I hate freecreditreport.com.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Movies, TV, and the like
THE DARK KNIGHT - purchased midnight showing ticket 2 weeks in advance. I was supposed to meet friends there, but their tickets were for a different theatre. I sat by strangers... it was still a good seat. The movie was fantastic. I always love a performance by Christian Bale and Heath Ledger reinvented himself to play his character which made the movie in my opinion. The only complaint I have is the whole actress swap from Katie Holmes to Maggie Gyllenhaal. It's just confusing... and I don't really like Maggie even though she's a better actress than Katie.
MAGNOLIA - easily my favorite movie of all time. There are not only multiple stories going on, but they are fascinating stories. Stories with deep, painful roots. The kind that submerge your thought process into those roots. Incredible acting.
IDIOCRACY - one of my favorite comedies of all time. Luke Wilson is really funny in this just because he's always getting screwed by dumbasses galore. It's a slap happy movie for sure... or just a slap-happy-inducing movie.
MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE - actually a pretty good tv show.
ENTOURAGE - I've only seen about 5 or 6 episodes, but I plan on renting the DVDs and watching it. It's not really funny or dramatic or anything. It's kind of everything... like a soap opera for early 20s dudes. It's entertaining.
COLBERT REPORT/DAILY SHOW - never fail.
LOSTWINDS - a Wii game which can be bought in the online store under the WiiWare section. It's just an all around cool game. You blow wind to move your character, kill enemies, and eventually make your character straight up fly. They're coming out with sequels, too. The sequels are going to continue the story with your character in the same condition he was in. So... you can still fly.
word.
MAGNOLIA - easily my favorite movie of all time. There are not only multiple stories going on, but they are fascinating stories. Stories with deep, painful roots. The kind that submerge your thought process into those roots. Incredible acting.
IDIOCRACY - one of my favorite comedies of all time. Luke Wilson is really funny in this just because he's always getting screwed by dumbasses galore. It's a slap happy movie for sure... or just a slap-happy-inducing movie.
MALCOLM IN THE MIDDLE - actually a pretty good tv show.
ENTOURAGE - I've only seen about 5 or 6 episodes, but I plan on renting the DVDs and watching it. It's not really funny or dramatic or anything. It's kind of everything... like a soap opera for early 20s dudes. It's entertaining.
COLBERT REPORT/DAILY SHOW - never fail.
LOSTWINDS - a Wii game which can be bought in the online store under the WiiWare section. It's just an all around cool game. You blow wind to move your character, kill enemies, and eventually make your character straight up fly. They're coming out with sequels, too. The sequels are going to continue the story with your character in the same condition he was in. So... you can still fly.
word.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Penny Arcade Video Game?!?!?
My favorite webcomic on the planet, Penny Arcade (www.penny-arcade.com), has just released an action-adventure-RPG! Turns out that Jerry wrote the script, so I'm looking forward to some incredibly amusing dialogue. The game is for Xbox 360, PC, Mac, and Linux. You can get it at http://www.playgreenhouse.com/. It's called "On The Rain-Slick Precipice Of Darkness: Episode One". I'm pumped. Episode 2 is also due out soon. Anyway.
Monday, May 05, 2008
"dude I can do that in my SLEEP!"
"meaning I can't do it when I'm awake. But I've dreamed about doing it HUNDREDS of times."
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Things will be changing pretty soon...
I basically can't wait for my good friend, pal, and former BEST friend Anthony Domine to come and be my roommate here in Nashville. Ok so basically living with Jacob was a living nightmare. Living with Gabe is like living with a person that expects you to adapt to their mood. The problem is that this person only has two moods.
Mood #1: Rowdy. Obnoxious. Loud. Bro-friendly.
Mood #2: Serious. Slightly coldhearted. Possibly partially deaf.
Anyway... I'm just pointing out that the whole roommate situation down here hasn't turned out so AWESOME.
When Anthony gets down here I imagine he and I eating ice cream cones on our mopeds and abusing the horns on them. Playing electric guitars through the same amp with a drum machine in the background. Hiding candy bars in our beards and taking them out for a mid-day snack.
Mood #1: Rowdy. Obnoxious. Loud. Bro-friendly.
Mood #2: Serious. Slightly coldhearted. Possibly partially deaf.
Anyway... I'm just pointing out that the whole roommate situation down here hasn't turned out so AWESOME.
When Anthony gets down here I imagine he and I eating ice cream cones on our mopeds and abusing the horns on them. Playing electric guitars through the same amp with a drum machine in the background. Hiding candy bars in our beards and taking them out for a mid-day snack.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
This just in: ESPN is amazing.
See...
it's so easy to get pissed about watching channels like MSNBC and CNN because all they talk about is random bullshit full of cockamamy. Mostly semantics about the election, private lives of those involved in the election, or private lives of anyone else in our government. Anyway, ESPN is hilarious because it's hard to get pissed about what they're talking about. It's just fun talk all day. All of the commercials are geared towards beer-drinkin'-wife-neglectin' DUDES. Doesn't matter if you're 16 or if you're 60... when you watch ESPN, you're a DUDE. I love it when you watch ESPN all day and every show is about the same stuff except different people say the same things different ways. It's so entertaining. The best part about it though is when they talk about golf. They seriously think that Tiger Woods' dominance is unquestionable. Like, I would love to agree, but he's just simply the best golfer ever. But he's also in a group of the best golfers in the world... so he's not completely dominant. He's lost plenty of tournaments... and DIDN'T win them. I dunno... just goofy. I love you, ESPN Only because you're gutter media that's really FUN.
it's so easy to get pissed about watching channels like MSNBC and CNN because all they talk about is random bullshit full of cockamamy. Mostly semantics about the election, private lives of those involved in the election, or private lives of anyone else in our government. Anyway, ESPN is hilarious because it's hard to get pissed about what they're talking about. It's just fun talk all day. All of the commercials are geared towards beer-drinkin'-wife-neglectin' DUDES. Doesn't matter if you're 16 or if you're 60... when you watch ESPN, you're a DUDE. I love it when you watch ESPN all day and every show is about the same stuff except different people say the same things different ways. It's so entertaining. The best part about it though is when they talk about golf. They seriously think that Tiger Woods' dominance is unquestionable. Like, I would love to agree, but he's just simply the best golfer ever. But he's also in a group of the best golfers in the world... so he's not completely dominant. He's lost plenty of tournaments... and DIDN'T win them. I dunno... just goofy. I love you, ESPN Only because you're gutter media that's really FUN.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Dudes vs. Super-dudes
So I was having dinner in the cafe at Belmont last week with my friend DJ and we both witnessed a wonderful scuffle between two different social groups. The first group was a table full of members of the baseball team, and the second group was a table full of the artsy-fartsy type that hates anyone who isn't an artist or a big fan of art or someone with an "alternative" sense of fashion.
(Note: the funniest part about an "alternative" sense of fashion is that all the people that dress a certain way hang out with each other. So that means that they all dress the same. Which no longer makes it an alternative.)
The baseball team dudes randomly crack up about what I'm assuming is an inside joke or at least what I know was an inaudible comment. Out of nowhere, one of the super-dudes at the arts-only table starts laughing and clapping with them and purposely makes himself the loudest of all and also continues the gesture beyond the team of baseball dudes. After he realizes that his insult was recognized, he sits down abruptly. Here come the counter-attacks. They can be summarize in the sentence "Jeez-took it way too far-shut up-you're an idiot, dude-you're gay". This is followed by a mini-celebration and slap of hands at the baseball table. After this, another one of the arts-only dudes (wearing a very short-cut V-neck t-shirt, rolled up jeans, and a pair of moccasins) brings a flower and hands it to one of the baseball players. I interpreted this as an "I'm so confident that I will do something ridiculous and pointless, look you in the eye, and walk away" type of "fuck-you". It's a creative type of "fuck-you" that only an artsy fartsy dude would come up with. The victim at the baseball table responds with "what the hell??", and soon gets some backup from his buddies. I must admit, when one of the baseball guys said "did you see that? he had cleavage!", I was very tickled. It was awesome. Because it was true, but also because only a meathead would think of that. DJ and I were cracking up this entire time. It was pretty great.
(Note: the funniest part about an "alternative" sense of fashion is that all the people that dress a certain way hang out with each other. So that means that they all dress the same. Which no longer makes it an alternative.)
The baseball team dudes randomly crack up about what I'm assuming is an inside joke or at least what I know was an inaudible comment. Out of nowhere, one of the super-dudes at the arts-only table starts laughing and clapping with them and purposely makes himself the loudest of all and also continues the gesture beyond the team of baseball dudes. After he realizes that his insult was recognized, he sits down abruptly. Here come the counter-attacks. They can be summarize in the sentence "Jeez-took it way too far-shut up-you're an idiot, dude-you're gay". This is followed by a mini-celebration and slap of hands at the baseball table. After this, another one of the arts-only dudes (wearing a very short-cut V-neck t-shirt, rolled up jeans, and a pair of moccasins) brings a flower and hands it to one of the baseball players. I interpreted this as an "I'm so confident that I will do something ridiculous and pointless, look you in the eye, and walk away" type of "fuck-you". It's a creative type of "fuck-you" that only an artsy fartsy dude would come up with. The victim at the baseball table responds with "what the hell??", and soon gets some backup from his buddies. I must admit, when one of the baseball guys said "did you see that? he had cleavage!", I was very tickled. It was awesome. Because it was true, but also because only a meathead would think of that. DJ and I were cracking up this entire time. It was pretty great.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Oh, Hilary
Stop trying to act like you want to be President of the United States. We all know that you're going to turn all of the American men into slaves and take away our right to vote. Quit lying to the people!
Monday, December 31, 2007
seriously, world. Let's cancel the whole new years holiday.
I don't really understand why we need to close hospitals, grocery stores, Burger King, and the GI depot early just for the birth of our miraculous planet. Its just an excuse for all the singles out there to get wasted and try to have a regretful evening, or for high schoolers to not need an excuse to have a "party". (namely, the high schoolers whose main interest is getting sloppy drunk.)
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